I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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