At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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