it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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