There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
