Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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