Your tits are I can't wait for
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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