He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
