i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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