I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
