there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
