respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
