you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
