I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
