my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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