does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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