My room smells like vodka and shame
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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