Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
