Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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