I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
