hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
