Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
