How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
