I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
