I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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