I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
