Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
