I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
