Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
