I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
