All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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