thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
