I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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