how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
