Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
