I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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