She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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