I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
