I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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