Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
