Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
