I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
