His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
