Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
