I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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