Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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