Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
