what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
