I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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