Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
