I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
