at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Even my vagina gasped.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
