this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
