i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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